Decisions
by bacarditoo
Summary: Samantha is dealing with the aftermath of Martouf's death, both she and Martouf will need to do a lot of soul searching in order to make things right once more, confused? all will be revealed.


Title: Decisions  
Chapter Title: Decisions  
Characters: Anise/Freya, Garshaw/Yosuf, Jacob/Selmak, Jolinar/Rosha, Martouf/Lantash, Samantha Carter, SG-1  
Genres:  
Rating: Gen (G)  
Warnings: Character Death  
Summary: Samantha is dealing with the aftermath of Martouf's death, both she and Martouf will need to do a lot of soul searching in order to make things right once more, confused? all will be revealed.

Martouf's narration is in bold, Samantha's narration is in Italic  
Symbiote and host communication is in both Bold and Italic

Disclaimer: Stargate does not belong to me, (only the character's that I create) they belong to MGM and all others involved in the project.

FEEDBACK: Please leave feedback, I would really like to know what you think.

* * *

**Decisions**

"Samantha?. . . ." **I plead, I am struggling not to activate the ring device that I hold in my hand, but my best efforts are no good, my left hand moves closer to the controls on the weapon I hold. I do not want to kill myself, I know that if I complete my mission there will be nothing for the Tok'Ra to learn about my ailment, I feel sick to my stomach for having to ask you to do this for me my Samantha but I see no other option, I see the blue flash come towards me, I feel an intense pain, then nothing, nothing at all, our teachings tell us that there will be a beautiful garden where all our loved ones wait for us with open arms, but, nothing, I can't feel or hear Lantash, I panic, I am alone **

* * *

" You O.K. Hun ? " A worried Jacob asked his daughter. 

" I feel totally numb dad " Sam answered as she stared off into space. Jacob sat down on the bed next to his daughter and took his little girl into his arms just as he did when her mother died, once again his heart broke in two as his little angel broke down and wept.

" So little time " Selmak sighed and cried for her adopted daughter, she so hated to see her loved one's hurting. Selmak had hoped that maybe Samantha and Martouf would have eventually have become a mated couple but the ongoing war had put paid to that idea.

" Come on Sam, I'll take you home to pack a bag, you're coming back to the tunnels with me an Sel, ah ah, no arguing with your old man, both George and I are both agreed that you need some healing time " Her father stated in that parental voice that left no room for argument, and that really was that.

" I don't need healing time dad, I was just doing my job " Sam sighed, she tried to be brave but still the tears flowed free.

" Look you were in love with Martouf everyone knows that, that is except you, you need this time off and I will not take no for an answer " Jacob tried not to sound to abrupt, but sometimes it was needed where Samantha was concerned as she was just as stubborn as her old man.

* * *

" She loved me ? " **I sigh**, " What have I done ? " **I ask myself.**

" Exactly what anyone else would have done in your place my Son "** A familiar voice answered my question.**

" Father ? "** I ask in disbelief, I had almost given up hope of seeing any of my loved ones again.**

" You are surprised, do you not believe our teachings ? "** My father asks me, he looks surprisingly younger than how I remember him.**

" I was beginning to doubt, there was no garden, no family waiting for my arrival, nothing " **I answer, I am slighly ashamed with myself, how could I ever doubt our teachings?.**

" You are in the between place my Son, your fate is not yet decided " **Father tells me, I'm sure he hates to see the pained expression on my face as his own face is just as pained as mine.**

" When will it be decided ? " **I have to ask, I don't like the sound of this at all.**

" That is up to another my son, you will know soon enough " **Father says to me cryptically, he tells me that he can not give me too much information and that this path is for me to walk on my own.**

" I do not understand " **I tell my parent, I am becoming more and more upset by the minute, I just can not help myself.**

" In 24 of the Tau'ri hours you will my Son, I promise you " **My father promises me, he is smiling sadly at me which worries me all the more.**

* * *

" Major Carter, I am so sorry, If there is anything I can do? " _Anise offers me as she sees that I am still distraught, I miss him so._

" Don't you think you've done enough Anise ? _I snap at her but then I notice a stricken look appear on her face and immediately I regret what I've said to her _" I'm sorry Anise, that was uncalled for " _I say, I don't know what's come over me, I'm never usually this catty._

" It is alright Major Carter, It is nothing that I have not told myself " _She is just trying to be friendly, I know this, " But a part of me still blames her for your death Matouf. __She's just as upset as I am Martouf_, _oh how I miss you_ " _I sigh, I wonder if he hears me?_

" As I do you, I hear you my love, do not worry " **I say,** **I notice that she flinches, a look of disbelief crosses her face, does she hear me also?**.

" Why do we never know what we have until we lose it ? "** She asks me.**

**I laugh**, " Human nature my love "

" Sam? Who are you talking to Hun ? " _My father asks me, I know he is concerned for his daughter and more than a little worried at my sudden behaviour._

" Martouf " _I answer as if it were totally normal, I know dad's going to think I've gone totally nuts, but I swear I do hear my Martouf._

" Martouf ? " _Dad gasps, now I know he's worried sick about me, I'm sure he's thinking that I don't want to believe that Martouf is dead._

" It's like I can still feel him dad, I swear I can here him answer me when I speak "_ I smile trying to put him at ease, I am totally at ease with all of this and I am sure this un-nerves my father no end._

" _**Should we be worried Jacob ? " **_

" _**Grief is a funny thing my friend, we'll have to keep an eye on her " **_

" _I can tell by the expressions on my fathers face that he is worried, and that far off expression that he is wearing tells me that he is talking to Selmak who is probably just as worried, I hate to feel so out of control, my world is falling apart, suddenly it's so cold, everything is out of focus then darkness, What's going on ? " _

" Sammie? SAMANTHA " _I hear my father cry._

" _I hear you dad you don't need to shout " I try to answer, but It's like I'm not there anymore, confusion is all I feel and a sense of, solitude._

" He can't hear you Samantha you are in the between place " _A stranger that I have not seen before explains to me_

" I don't understand, between place ? " _I ask, the expression is familiar, I'm sure Martouf tried to explain it to me once._

" It is the place that decides the next step of your life, or death "_ The man explains to me, now I'm getting nervous, I can die? but I'm not even ill._

" I'm going to die ? " _I hear myself say echoing my thoughts._

" If that is your choice, only you can decide your fate " _The man tells me, why would I choose to die?, I'm getting more and more confused and I don't like it one little bit._

" I don't understand, how did I get here ? " _I ask the stranger in front of me._

" You're grief is great Samantha, the cure for your grief can be found near by, all you need do is find it " _Is all he will tell me, cryptic, I hate cryptic, now I know how Daniel felt._

" But how ? " " _where did he go ?, why can't anyone speak plain English anymore ? Always riddles, riddles and more bloody riddles " I'm fast becoming annoyed with the whole situation, I am not liking this at all, not one little bit. _

" I go back to my brooding for a while, the cure for my grief ? Martouf, Martouf is the reason for my grief, the between place? Limbo?, yes, that's it, I have to find Martouf that's the cure for my grief" I tell myself, now I believe that I am going nuts.

" **I see my love in the healing chamber, the healers are flitting around her trying to keep her alive, what are you doing my love ? What are you doing ?", I sigh, I know she can not hear me, I feel so helpless.**

* * *

" Caleb, what's wrong with her ? " 

" Nothing that I can see Jacob, I'm sorry but there is no reason why she should be in a coma and I can not authorise a symbiote without knowing what is wrong "

" _**There's got to be something we can do Sel " **_

" If Caleb say's there is nothing then there is nothing, he is the best healer the Tok'Ra have, all we can do is stay here by her side and hope for the best "

* * *

" Unauthorised off world activation " Walter anounces over the loudspeaker. 

" What is it Walter " Jack asked, last thing he wanted was another surprise after the week he'd just had.

" Receiving Tok'Ra IDC Colonel " Walter replied with an apologetic smile, he knew exactly how Colonel Jack O'Neill felt about the Tok'Ra.

" Open up the Iris Walter, let's see what they want " Jack sighed, " maybe Sam's coming home " He thought to himself.

" Yes Sir "

" Colonel O'Neill you and the rest of SG1 are requested to join Jacob immediately " The Garshaw stated in that matter of fact way that always put Jack's back up.

" Is that so ? " Jack asked with that sarcastic tone that the Tok'Ra had come to expect from him.

" Samantha is very sick Jack " Garshaw sighed, hind sight, maybe her own tone was a little abrupt, she would have to work on that.

" We'll why didn't you say that in the first place Garshaw ?, you know if you just say what you mean and mean what you say this union wouldn't be so shaky " Jack tried to smile, he really did like this woman and didn't wish to hurt her.

" We are learning slowly Jack, do not expect change over night " Garshaw said with a smile wish seemed to help the situation a little.

" We'll be there as soon as we're authorised " Jack stated, he knew Garshaw knew the protocol but he always felt that he should explain.

" We will shall see you soon " She smiled sadly.

" For Garshaw to be upset it must be bad ", Jack voiced aloud, this was not good at all.

The team didn't need to wait long for authorisation, from what the Tok'Ra had said Sam was literally living on borrowed time and not even the top brass would drag their heels in this situation.

" I do not understand O'Neill, Samantha Carter was in good health, what has brought on this sudden ailment ? "

" You're as wise as me Teal'c, I haven't got a clue " Jack said softly to the visibly worried jaffa. " Hey Anise, found anything out about the Zarc thingy yet ? " Jack asked activly changing the subject.

" Unfortunately no, we are still waiting for Martouf's people to agree to an autopsy, they still believe in an afterlife and their teachings say that there will be no afterlife if the body is tampered with, it is currently going through their legal system." She sighed, her heart felt like a lead weight, everything was unravelling around her. " I can not help but feel responsible for all this "

" Just how did you come to that conclusion ? " Jack did have a soft spot for the woman and didn't like to see her upset.

" I should have tested Martouf, I think Major Carter thinks I did it deliberately though she say's she does not, but what is your Tau'Ri expression ? She avoids me like the plague ? "

" We Tau'Ri don't show our feelings like Freya's people, most bottle up emotions and other things until something like this happens, it's not your fault Anise or yours Freya, these things happen, we call it human error and I'm sure the Tok'Ra Symbiotes have a similar thing, right ?"

" Tumulus mendum menda, it means grave error, our peoples are not so different Colonel." She gave a wry smile and showed them into the Healing Chambers.

" Hey Jacob, any change ? " Jack asked the worried parent as pictures of Charlie flashed through his mind.

" Nothing, they say there's nothing wrong with her Jack, people don't fall into a coma if there's nothing wrong."

" Could be in the mind Jacob and that unfortunately is uncharted territory." Jack sighed, "was this day going to get any worse ?"

* * *

" I'm sorry Persus but it goes against everything we are taught and believe " The arkosion representative notified the high councillor. 

" But Meyrick if there is no autopsy we will not know how your great uncle was programmed and eventually killed." The old man sighed, he knew of course that the man that sat beside him at the negotiation table was correct, but the laws ?.

" I will raise the subject at the next council meeting, but I can not promise anything "

" That is all I ask my friend." The two men retired for the evening, negotiations were a tiring art form, a good nights sleep might do all three of them the world of good. The following morning Persus rose, bathed and readied himself for another exhausting bout with Martouf's people.

" All will be well my friend " Colen soothed his agitated symbiote.

" I wish I had your optimism my friend " He sighed, a knock on the door stopped their conversation dead in it's tracks. " Sunrise without fail, shall we my friend ? " The two fell in behind their escorts and returned to the negotiation room.

" The council has decided that in 24 Tau'Ri hours you may perform your autopsy, but only if it is the great one's wish.

" What does that mean exactly ? " Persus asked, he didn't like the sound of this.

" You will have to wait and see, from what I have been told of past events the outcome that we crave will be granted " The man smiled, he actually looked happy, but why.

" Cryptic to the end " Persus sighed " 24 hours time I will return for Martouf's body my friend.

" As you wish " The man grinned as he turned away from his friend and left him alone.

* * *

" Well ? How did it go ? " Garshaw was growing more and more agitated with each delay. 

" We will have his body in 24 Tau'Ri hours "

" Why Tau'Ri Hours ? "

" In honour of Samantha apparently, how is she ? "

" No change, I suppose that is good news in a way " She sighed " Poor Jacob is beside himself with worry and Selmak, well I have never seen Selmak so upset ."

" She has never had children before, well, not alive anyway. " Persus explained.

* * *

" Have you not found what you seek Samantha ? " A familiar voice asked. 

" Drey'auc ? I don't understand, I thought you were.."

" Dead ? I am "

" Then why are you still here "

" There is still a favour owed to one that assisted me once, that and my loves refusal to let me go, Walk with me Samantha " They walked through villages that Sam thought familiar but couldn't place " All places you have been and tried to help, a picture taken in time that will not fade, all… " Drey'auc paused as she looked for the words that Sam would understand then continued " Souls, that pass here each bring a memory of home, there are villages like this all through the between place, you just need to find the village that you have brought with you, happy hunting Samantha Carter " And with that she disappeared.

" _A Village I brought with me ? I thought you were going to help Drey'auc I sigh to myself, I am even more confused now and I didn't think that was possible "_ Sam continued to walk through the villages, greeting everyone with a smile, all welcomed the Tau'Ri woman with open arms.

" You tried to help us, why should we not treat you with respect ? " A man that looked familiar asked, he had a warm friendly smile and insisted on her joining him for an evening meal "

" This looks familiar, I've been to all of these places but this sticks in my mind, oh my god, this is Nassya isn't it ? This is where……Jolinar…but, why am I here ?, the man simply smiled, do I not look familiar Major Carter ? "

Sam looked hard at the man then the penny dropped " You're Talia's husband, Jolinar's host before me "

" You have a good memory my friend, I have been told to tell you as a reward for all that you have tried and accomplished that you may take what you wish from this world with you when you return home, may I suggest that you take what will ease your pain ?" With that the man's eyes flashed and an old friend spoke " I believe you will find what you look for in my host's hut Samantha "

Sam smiled and followed the man into his home " Please sit, I will prepare something for us all to eat " He offered politely.

" He is most gracious is he not ? " Another familiar voice said, a voice that she dare not believe she heard, could it be ? She slowly turned around to see Martouf in front of her smiling with that beautiful smile.

" Martouf " She cried running into his arms, he looked into her eyes and slowly leaned towards her still smiling, he captured her lips in a kiss that made all the pain go away.

" I have been waiting for you my love, what is your decision ? "

" Decision ? "

" Our fate lies in your hands my love "

" I was told I could take whatever I wanted home with me, well I wish to take you, and Jolinar " She smiled, Martouf's eyes shone with unshed tears of joy then once again Sam's surroundings faded.

" Sammie ? Caleb she's awake, she's awake " Jack cried with joy as his daughters eye's fluttered open.

" Dad, where's Martouf ? " Jacobs heart fell through the floor, " _**She doesn't remember Sel, if we've got to go through all this again I don't know what I'll do " **_

" I do believe Samantha asked a question " Samantha's voice vibrated in a familiar tone that Jacob knew all to well

" How ? I never left her side and she never left the room, Caleb ? "

" I do not know my friend but she has a symbiote that much is certain "

" Who are you ? "

" I am Jolinar of Malkshur " The symbiote stated and smiled at her new father.

" Dad it's kinda hard to explain but I'll try later ok ? Just know that she is telling the truth and we need to get to Martouf before they start cutting into him "

" Ok hun, hey you shouldn't be on your feet yet, hey Sam, oh what the hell the day she actually starts listening to me I'll die of shock " Selmak chuckled at her hosts comments and followed her daughter through the tunnels. They approached Anise's Laboritory just in time to hear her scream, both of them ran inside along with a few centurions that had been passing

" What's wrong Anise ? " Jacob asked the young woman, she was pale and looked like she had just seen a ghost, all she could do was point., Jacob followed the direction of the finger to find Martouf beaming at him.

" How ? "

" My people are charmed Jacob, we always get a choice of a second life if there is someone who wishes it more than anything else in the universe " He explained as he took Samantha's hand " I have my mate back and she has a beautiful new host that I love with all my heart, do you accept me as your danna ? "

" I do, and do you accept me as your kamisan ? "

" I do " and the two sealed the union with a heated kiss that made even Selmak blush.

The three of them debriefed by the Tok'Ra High Council and the Tau'Ri as soon as they were rested to Caleb's satisfaction, they explained all that had happened and Lantash was returned to Martouf shortly after, a rummage through Martouf's memories led to an answer for the Za'taarc programming and the treaty was solidified with the biggest celebration that neither people had ever seen.

" Teal'c, may I have a word " Sam pulled the Jaffa to one side, " I met Drey'auc in the between place, I believe she would move on if she could see that you have moved on with your life also, perhaps it's time to say goodbye properly, is there some sort of ritual that could be performed ? "

" There is Major Carter, one's closed friends and family are needed, I would be honoured if you would join me in oujou eiten, Death honours " He translated for her.

" We would be honoured Teal'c " Sam smiled.

The small congregation gathered, the Tau'Ri brought flowers, Drey'auc's family and friends brought a prized possession that belonged to their fallen and the Tok'Ra brought food offerings and Laments for the ceremony,

" My heart is heavy as you are not here my other half " He placed to pieces of a pendant together and placed the two chains around his neck " Your gift is received, I am whole once more, until we are together again, you are free " silence fell as they said silent prayer for Drey'auc.

A full day had passed before anyone realised, they each returned to their temporary quarters for the evening exhausted and most fell asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow except four individuals that had a lot of catching up to do.

" I have missed you my love, more than words can express " Martouf grinned, unable to hide his joy any longer.

" Then why do you not show me just how much you have missed me my love ? " Jolinar playfully challenged, Martouf needed little or no encouragement whatsoever, he kissed his mate tenderly, washing all the pain and sorrow of the past few years away.

In the guest quarters Teal'c tossed and turned in his sleep as the day's events played through his subconscious,

" I miss you my wife "

" As I do you my love, but you need to let me go, I can not rest until you do " Teal'c opened his eyes to see his love in front of him, she smiled that smile that made him weak, that smile that would have him agree to anything that she asked of him.

" I do not wish to hurt you my love "

" Then let me go, there is another for you to find, one that will love you just as much as I, she will be strong willed and will prove challenging my love but she will make you heart sing once more, this I promise you " Drey'auc kissed her husband one last time and then was gone along with the pain that had lived in his heart since her passing.

" We will be together again, this I promise with all my heart " Her voice swept over him warming his soul, for the first time since her death he slept peacefully.

" What will the future hold for us my love ? " Jolinar asked as she lay in her lovers arms

" I can not answer that my love, but what I can promise you is that it will be full of love and hope " Both Samantha and Jolinar sighed in contentment as he once again kissed them.

" Thank you my Samantha for making the right decision." Jolinar said as she embraced her host, " You will never know regret ever again my dear one, this will be my gift to you " She said softly as they both fell asleep in their loves arms dreaming of a future that looked a little brighter than it had done before.

* * *


End file.
